I Need You Jesus

So, i've been kinda going through a rough patch in my life since September.. a lot of plans... a lot of decisions.. a lot to think about. Whats sad is that i have only come to realize just recently that i've slowly been taking baby steps away from Christ.. not praying as much as i used to, and not trusting in his plan for my life. Some things didnt work out how i thought they were going to and i knew it bothered me... but i didnt really realize how much (God help me and forgive me) resentment was built up in my heart...

Its so hard to even write it out now...

Thankfully the Lord has shown me grace and has been really laying messages on my Pastors hearts that are so aimed at me its undeniably Christ.. this last Wednesday my Associate Pastor was talking about how God uses parables to show us things in ourselves that we do not want to see, and how sly and good he is at it by making you feel bad for the person you've wronged and making you feel very angry towards the person who in essence is you... this was hitting me.. but not as greatly as it did until he took a detour..

he started talking about Songs of Solomon and then started talking about how God uses everything in our lives to try and pull us closer to Him.. he used this example..

He said "Has anyone here said.. "Lord... if you'd just give me this woman or this man, if you just make them love me, i'll do anything for you... " A lot of men raised their hands and honestly i could've raised mine as well...he said.. "Were asking God to play matchmaker.... When really God is using these things we desire to draw us closer to him... to talk to him, to need him..."

This hit me so hard.. i felt so selfish and for the first time in a long time... really felt the gap that was developing between me and my Lord... I had a wonderful time in prayer that night...

And Jesus... i just wanted to let you know... "I need you"

Landmark...

Well it turned out that i couldnt go...few things

1.) Thank you twin for offering to let me stay with you... it would've been amazing!
2.) Im praying for everyone who is there, including three ladies from my church.
3.) Even though i am thoroughly devestated that I am not there, there can always be "Landmarks" in my life through my church and there has been. So, I have to tell myself when im bummed about not being there that God is God, he's the same God in CA as he is in Bremerton, WA.. and while they are having "Landmark", so CAN WE! And im going to make sure with my praise and my worship that it is...

They tried to make me go to rehab...

Well i've been watching Celebrity Rehab with Doc Drew. and its heart breaking... watching these people who think that they are going to have it all and be loved because of their money and they come in to the center broken, sad, used and scarred...

One woman had a seizure during detox and it was the scariest thing i had ever seen.. i just started bawling... its so heart breaking to see this... you know people dont realize that Hollywood is jacked up and those people have souls to. God reaches out for Tom Cruise just as much as he reaches out for Kristen Beck...

We need to try and help them just as much as we reach out to the "normal" people.. its not about getting the prestige of helping save a Hollywood star, or getting their money into your tithes envelopes. Its about helping out some really hurt and messed up people.. So since im no where near Hollywood.. all you in CA... reach out... they're really really hurting.

Finding Love...

Its a long process it feels like... being in relationships that make you feel like its going to happen and then it busts up and your left feeling so inadequate.... BUT you have to keep telling yourself its out there... its out there....


I just look at some of my friends and it seemed like it was so easy for them.. childhood sweethearts, or someone they were friends with first, or they marry the first person they date because its perfect.. SHEESH.. lucky doggies.

Im still looking... sometimes i feel like i've found him... i hope hes him. -sigh- to bad i dont have a diary lol oh well for now you all can be my diary.. i wish i knew. =/ but God knows.. and for now i am just going to have to content in that.

2010 New Food Quest

Okay so most people dont know this about me unless they've known me for a long time but I am NOT daring with new foods. I dont go "out on a limb" or "forge a new trail" when it comes to putting things in my mouth.

SO, what i have decided to do thanks to my love of the "Food Network" and boredom. Is to try something new everytime i go out to eat. So what i will do is take pictures and document my new adventures.. You like??

Let me know if you want to observe me on my quest for new foods and experiences.

Doubt

I dont think doubt means you dont have faith. I think doubt is a type of faith, faith that the negative will happen.. that you'll fail. So if were going to have faith in something no matter what it is.. might as well have faith in the positive and not faith in the negative. Just a thought..

What do you think?

My Oh My

Okay so this is my first bloggy thing like ever.. and i dont know really all the things i should write because well lets face it.. there should be some privacy in my life.. lol So for now i will just write that i had an interview today over the phone with Wells Fargo to be a teller.. and they are setting me up with a face face group interview sometime. Also turned in an app at Red Robin but the manager (who i think really liked me) said they wouldnt be hiring hostesses till the end of Feb.. HEAVENS.. thats a long ways away.. so i prayed and said Lord, if you want me there.. fire someone! lol =)

So anyways.. after hours of Call of Duty online (which by the way im in love with) I have put on my soft zebra blankie, huddled around the glow of this blog and written to all of you out there in.. well Google world... which is practically everyone born.. except babies.. and i wouldnt be suprised if they start getting blogs soon and facebooks.. status: Gah Gah! I made a pee pee. -rolls eyes-

anyways im done for now.. catch you on the flip side

Much Love,
Kristen